I'm sorry Dante' (sort of)

I can't believe I left you all on Pause. Well, I can believe I left you on Pause... but I can't believe I paused it right at the very moment my nether regions were punching The Hubs in the head. Sorry 'bout that. It was just plain rude.

A lot has happened in the last month. Mostly good things. I enrolled in a photography class, we went on a few snowmobile rides with some friends, The Hubs went on a weekend fishing excursion, and I spent some quality time with some very special friends.

My new year's resolution was to take control of my days. Be to work on time, fit in some exercise, and use my vacation days wisely. I tend to take days off just because I feel like checking out. I am a person who needs a LOT of down time. By that I mean being home with my pets, reading, writing, watching movies, learning something new. I love the hours in the day that I have no obligations...but I digress.

My point is that I've done pretty darn good. In January I earned about 22 stars. I gave them to myself for feeling like the prior day was a success. That's right. Pretty blue, red, silver and green stars twinkling behind me on the wall. The problem with that is that everyone wants to know "what are the stars for?"

Today is February 3rd and I have no stars yet. I could just put them on but that would be a LIE. Hey, it is what it is. I was late for work 2 days this week and haven't exercised once. On top of that, my monthly friend is knocking on the door and the sound of her annoying, shrill voice has put me in a terrible mood.

My cell phone has rang every day for 2 weeks only to give me a recorded message that my vehicle warranty is about to expire and this is my FINAL reminder. Today it rang 3 times. Same message.

In my opinion, this is "marketing rape". It's right up there with unsolicited faxes for trips to the Bahama's for only three easy payments of $19.95. Fuck you people. We have to Pay to receive your stupid fax. Kiss my ass.

So when I received what was probably the 19th call regarding my factory warranty I went off the deep end and instead of hanging up on the recording I pressed 1 to renew the f'ing thing.

"Hello, this is Dante'. How may I help you this evening?"

"Well, Dante' the way you can HELP me is by NOT calling my fucking cell phone again! Every goddamn time I get the message it promises me it's my FINAL reminder but I get another call 3 fucking hours later! I don't have a warranty on my 11 year old vehicle so it's NOT about to expire you retards!"

"Ma'am, I have put you on the do not call list. Is there anything else I can help you with tonight?"

"NO! Just don't call me again!"

"You have a nice night, Ma'am."

Dante' deserves a raise.

Then I went home with a promise to myself that I would not argue or pick a fight with anyone for the rest of the night.

But then the phone rang and caller ID said SEARS PROTECTION PLAN. Those numb nuts have called my house one too many times and I was sick and tired of hearing it ring and letting it go into voice mail.

I angrily picked up, but remembered my vow of not being mean and pinched my nostrils shut.

"Hello?" I sounded like a frog with laryngitis.

"Hello, is this Kathleen?"

"No, this is Eryn" (sorry Princess but your name was first on my tongue)

"Oh well, hello Eryn, I'm Ethyl calling from sears to renew your protection plan"

"what one is that?'

"your vacuum cleaner"

"Oh. THAT. We don't have that anymore"

"you dont have it anymore? "

"Nope. got mad at it and smashed it with a hammer"

"oh- well.... do you have any other appliances?"

"Nope- don't believe in 'em. Appliances are evil"

"well, Ms. auclair.. you have a nice night"

"you too... bye bye"

I must admit that was more fun than swearing at Dante'.